First, crochet. http://www.youtube.com/user/tjw1963#play/playlists
Teresa's crochet page has a lot of good things, including left-handed crochet. Good luck.
And now, knitting.
First we have the knit stitch, in continental because that is what Katie insists on teaching.
And purl
And if you are lucky enough to get this far...casting off!
As a side note, if anybody knows a good knit/crochet glossary, send me the link so I can post in in the sidebar as a tool.
And now...your moment of zen.